M3GAN is the newest ‘Blumhouse’ release, meaning, it is the newest ‘horror’ movie to hit the big screen. As somewhat of a horror film connoisseur, I feel I am worthy of giving an honest rating on the quality of this movie. This review may contain spoilers, so if you’re very worried about that, read no further. 

To begin, this movie was heavily advertised as a doll/slasher type film so that is what I went into the movie expecting. Within the first 5 minutes of it, I quickly realized that I was in for a very strange treat. The movie started with a toy ad and I had no idea what was going on until all of a sudden, boom, a car crash and dead parents. 

The whole film is based around this woman who works for a toy company and she designs a robot, M3GAN. After it is finished, she brings it home so it can watch her niece when she can’t, and also so it can be a friend to her niece after losing her parents. So it has a pretty innocent start that leaves it wide open for progress. 

One day, the niece, Cady, lost a plastic arrow and somehow, it was on the other side of the fence, on the neighbors property. Megan (the robot) spots the arrow and goes to get it. When she reaches for it, the neighbor’s dog, Douie, bites her arm and there’s a shock behind her neck. Cady runs to grab Megan and she ends up getting bit. If I’m being honest, Douie grabbing Megan’s arm was the only part in the whole movie that actually made me jump. 

From this point, stuff just gets wacky. Megan all of a sudden is evil and Cady is just this super bratty kid that won’t do anything. So, they go to this convention for this weird special school and Cady won’t go unless Megan gets to come as well. So, Megan gets sat on the toy table. Then there’s this activity where Cady gets sent into the woods with this other little jerk. While they’re in the forest the kid just starts picking on Cady and just like that, Megan shows up. So the kid grabs Megan and starts running, then he puts her down, sits on her, and just starts violently smacking her face. Then Megan rips his ear off, chases him on all fours, and pushes him in front of a car. Out of the whole movie, this was the most intense part for sure. 

I think the most interesting thing about this movie that was totally unexpected is the fact that it is a musical. Not really, but Megan sings two songs to Cady, at the most random times, in the scariest voice pretty much ever. So if nothing else motivates you to watch this movie, which is fair, at least find a way to watch the singing parts. 

The rest of the movie from here is just a slippery slope to the end. Megan goes on a killing spree, starting with their neighbor’s dog. Then the aunt tries to chainsaw this robot in the face after it tries to kill her just giving Megan an outrageous receding hairline and some chunks of her face fly off. So now there’s just this evil robot that looks ridiculous trying to kill everyone. I was laughing quite hard at this point. Megan’s face comes off completely, she gets stabbed right in the battery, and that’s it, that’s the end. 

Now I know what you’re most likely thinking, what did I just read? Is this actually a movie? I feel like there’s a lot missing. Why was she singing? These are all thoughts that ran through my brain as I sat in the theater at the end of this movie, questioning everything. 

Overall, this is one of the strangest movies I’ve ever watched and it was definitely an experience I will probably remember forever just because of how astronomically weird it was. So, if you’re looking for an interesting experience you’ll never forget, this is a movie for you. Go into it with no expectations and an open mind and you are set. If you’re not a fan of wasting your time for terrible movies, this movie is probably not the way to go. I will never get those hours of my life back, and for this, I feel immense regret. I’m still just wondering how this movie got such a good score on Rotten Tomatoes.