How to be a Scrooge


Sapphira Smith, Entertainment Reporter

These days, it seems like everyone is a huge fan of the holidays. Saying dumb things like, “I don’t know, I just love the season,” or, “Christmas music just fills my soul with joy.” Where I can agree that Last Christmas by Wham! and a little Stevie Wonder is solid christmas music, nothing else is sufficient. Other than that, no one can convince me that Bing Crosby is a good singer. His music has flooded every Christmas hit playlist that’s automatically made by any music platform, it’s absurd. 

For me, I am not a fan of this time of year. Anytime you turn on the good old fashioned radio, all you hear is, ‘Do you hear what I hear?’ and Mariah Carey singing nonsense. No offense, but no one actually enjoys whistle tones Mariah. Not only that, but you can’t justify making crappy music just because it’s Christmas time, (Justin Bieber.) 

I am a certified scrooge, and here, I’ve got some tips for those of you that are like me in disliking the holiday season. 

The first thing you’re going to want to do is swear off Christmas music for as long as possible. A couple songs every once in a while is fine, but you cannot be listening to Christmas music in your airpod’s whilst you go about your day. If you want to be a Scrooge, you are going to have to fully commit. Trust me, if this does not sound like something you can do, you can’t. Give up now, go back to being a somewhat holiday fan. For example, if you’re one of the people who is hating on the new Santa movie called ‘Violent Night’ read no further, this life is not for you.

Next, make it known that you don’t like the holidays, but not too much. When it’s relevant, say something about it, but don’t be annoying. For example, if someone asks you to play Christmas music, and you’re not actively having the time of your life decorating a Christmas tree, do not play the music. I repeat, if you play that music, you’re done for. You might as well just go hop on the Polar Express and sing about how much you love hot chocolate. As I was saying before, people need to know you’re not a fan of the holidays, but you don’t want them to think you’re annoying because of it. 

I understand that not everyone can be an amazing scrooge right off the bat. It takes a couple Christmases to really get good at it and know the boundaries. One thing however that I personally accommodate being a scrooge for is gift giving. I love giving gifts to people who mean something to me, so I take advantage of the season to do that. I mean you usually get stuff back so that’s a plus too. 

Being a scrooge is fun, you totally deflate people’s holiday cheer when you won’t play Kelly Clarkson’s Christmas album for them. Just keep doing you, without all the weird ribbons and sweaters. To really be the best scrooge that you can be, you need to be in tune with your inner grumpy old man. Everyone has it, even people named Bethany have it, which seems impossible, but it’s true. For me, I target my saddest Christmas memories, which sounds like a terribly sad thing to keep doing to myself, and it is, but it works.

In the end, it’s ok to be a scrooge, and it’s ok to not be a scrooge, everyone celebrates a little differently, and some people just don’t. We’ve been coexisting all this time, so truly, if you are finally coming to the conclusion that you want to be a scrooge, welcome to the family.